After doing a whole series of pregnancy tests last week in the lead up to my OTD, my period arrived on Friday (the day before I was due to test).
I feel devastated and, if I’m honest, really cross that I let myself get so hopeful that it would be our time this cycle. We both got swept away with the optimism of the nurses at the clinic when we had our embryo transfer done and I was convinced we’d be celebrating this week. What an idiot I am!
3 cycles done, 3 times getting to blastocyst stage (5dt) and 3 times failure. So what next? If I got my way then we would just keep going again and again and again as many times as we need until we get our family! My husband on the other hand is already talking about adoption. Whilst this isn’t something that am ruling out, I’m not ready to go down that road yet. I so desperately want us to experience a pregnancy together and welcome a newborn into our family.
We have 1 precious embryo on ice so at least we have a FET in the pipeline and we have decided that we will definitely do another fresh IVF cycle in the hope that it works or, at worst, gets us some more frozen embies to add to the one we already have. The thing that is whirling around my head though is why have our 3 cycles so far failed? What will be different on our 4th go? Each time we have treatment, everything seems to go well up until the point of a pregnancy test. I get a reasonable number of eggs, good fertilisation and embryo quality has improved with each cycle. For some reason though, implantation obviously doesn’t occur. And I want to know why the hell not?!!
So… I am doing what I do best, I’m looking for a way to fix this issue. After extensive ‘talks’ with Dr Google, I’m thinking that it would be a good idea to have immune testing to rule out anything there that might be stopping the embryos from implanting. I know that my fertility clinic doesn’t support this so I plan to go elsewhere (probably to Dr Gorgy in London). I imagine this could be an expensive process but if it saves us the heartache of wasted cycles in the long run then it has to be worth it.
I need to believe that there is a reason why IVF hasn’t worked for us yet and that it is something that can be fixed. I need to believe that we will get our happy ending eventually.