Argh…. I caved! Today is my birthday and when we woke up, my husband said we should do a pregnancy test (my OTD isn’t until Sunday). I was surprised as he had been really against us testing earlier but what the hell, it’s my birthday so maybe we’ll get some extra luck. Turns out that’s not the case! I got a big fat negative!
I have never been so nervous as waiting for the results to show in that little window on the test. But there wasn’t even a tiny hint of a positive line – just this empty white space staring back at us, refusing to show any signs of hope.
I feel totally gutted but I don’t think the full force of the fact that this IVF cycle has failed has really hit me yet. In the back of my mind there is still a tiny part of me that is hoping and praying there may still be a chance. After all, the clinic must give us that OTD for a reason. If we could test earlier then they’d give us an earlier date surely? I have quite literally thought of every excuse as to why we might have got a BFN today and it not be true…. the test was an internet cheapy so clearly crap…. because our embryos were a reduced quality, they may have implanted later and therefore there isn’t enough HCG in my urine for the test to detect it yet…. it wasn’t my absolute first morning urine as I’d gotten up in the night for a wee….!! I’m clutching at straws but at the moment, I have to. The alternative is to face the reality that this hasn’t worked, we have to somehow find £5500+ for another go and that we have to wait months for this to be allowed to happen.
I’m hoping for a miracle.